I believe that the greatest gift that I could give myself this season is self-acceptance, and indeed, I will try to accept the fact that what we had, or if ever we had something, was just nothing – I just over-reacted, and he was just polite to respond accordingly. Oh, and may I ask, what’s up with these guys being polite? God! I wish they could just be harsh… I don’t handle false hope very well.
Ok… just to settle the score, I am not happy about what is happening now, but in life we have to have a Plan B, whatever it may be, or whoever it maybe. For this case, it’s both a whatever and a whoever.
Whatever. I will just ignore this feeling. I know, again, I’m over-reacting, but that’s all I can do for now. Before I was thinking about finding my own way to Sta. Maria and reach him. But that won’t happen, at least in my mind, not now. I don’t think he is worth all the effort. This season is all about giving, I know, but I think I have given more than what is right. Time, effort, concern and all the things that come along with those were just wasted, I think. I think, Him, being passive, and me, being proactive, has not work out. Although I have told myself and Charlie that yes, I think I may need a neutral force in my life, someone who could keep me on the ground, and make me think about more serious stuff, I can’t help the fact the his attitude over shadows the things we had shared together. I want someone who will speak of his concern of me, and for once, show and tell me that he needs me. I just don’t think he met my expectations, or will he ever do so.
Whoever. Finding a plan B is relatively hard, and thank God, I think I have one. He’s cute also, and in a certain degree, more active than the previous. Whatever shortcomings I found in Plan A, Plan B has given me… more time, more not-myself attention, and the possibility of a long-term friendship, rather than just an immediate need, for “Gosh, I don’t have any friends right now, and since you are more than willing, why not you.”
Verdict. I would still stick to my Plan B’s for several reasons… I want to be not bored this season, and I think these plan Bs will work accordingly. Whatever Plan B is done to make him know my worth, and if ever, make me forget him. Whoever Plan B is to back up the second purpose of the Whatever Plan B. Ugh, I hate it.
Anyway, I have to go back to reality. Food is being served for the foodless. I have to get my share. Oh, and Happy Holidays everybody!
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