2008 Reflections

Hmmmn, this year was not the year for me. For many reasons I will try to enumerate one by one in this blog post.

Anyway, this year marked my 5th year in the University, and is one reason I am not happy (still) with my life right now. This year was not a good academic year for me, for I was almost kicked out of the institution. This was caused by excessive focus on non-academic activities that made me zone out of academic mode. The results were not good - I was on probation last semester and unfortunately (despite my amazing efforts to lift up the punishment) this semester too. This semester is very risky for me for i need to pass my all my subjects (all 18 units of it, including Thesis proposal). Ugh, Lord God Almighty help me!!!

Moving along the reflection blog, I think one of the most memorable things I experienced this year was having a crew, a dance crew that is family to me. DanceWorks (D.W. as I call it)was not an option when i first entered UP Baguio, until my good friend Ed Bellosillo asked me to help her revive the group. I was not hesitant to help her for she took a new stand in choreographing the group. She mixed Jazz and Hip-Hop to come up with a new brand of dance she labels as "Jazz-Funk." The group started small, very small, with only seven members (Dei Antonio, Abby Ajero, Mickey Eva, Julius Masarate, Ochi Bernadas, Ed Bellosillo and Me!), but gained appreciation from the UP Baguio community and from fellow dance organizations (thanks Shadows, UPBDT and Tayaw). Our first performance was done in Tagis-Lakas and followed by invitations to dance at the CCA Mini Concerts and the annual Pasiklaban. For the said occasions, Thea Micu, JR Culaton and Jessica Acuna were welcomed to the family. The group will be opening its doors for new members next June. I loved that these people became part of something more than just an organization, for they are real and down-to-earth honest, and I, myself is honored to be part of a family that is growing. I love D.W.!(check this link for our performance video http://pavl.multiply.com/video/item/33/DanceWorks_Tagis_Lakas_2008)

Another thing that I am thankful for are my friends, the S&B (Single and Bitter). The barkada originated in Baguio, during our freshman year in 2004. Suprisingly, despite differences, and present geographical separation, the barkada continues to be one of the best things that happened to me. I remember this year, Ria Manuel, one of my ka-barkadas graduated this summer and has gone to Riyadh to find work. I was sad indeed that she left but that woke me up, telling me that life does not have to be stuck, move on and still live for yourself, for your family and for your friends. Although sometimes, the barkada gets into weird arguments (about someone's picture *wink), we still find ways to humble ourselves and forgive, something that is not common to all, and which I am glad to share with my life partners. I thank them for keeping me strong and undeniably happy. They say your friends will tell you who you are, and i could not agree more. I am S&B and S&B is my life. Cheers to the life-long friendship!

Lastly, i thank my family for being always there for me. I really do not know why i am studying, or even try to study. Then i figure "i have my family, they are counting on me." For this reason, i am still trying to finish my under graduate studies and trying to make them proud. I do not know any mom and dad that has displayed an amazing amount of patience as mine did. I am a stubborn kid who does not want to do house chores, but they understood, and as for my part, i tried to change that, and somehow I did. I love my parents and my brothers, and i could not ask for a better family.

So whats in store for me in the year 2009? I do not know. But i will try to out-do myself next year and I will graduate. So there goes my words again. God bless me and this whole country and the world!!! Happy New Year!!!

If She Leaves Me...

This is a re-post of my blog dedicated to Lianne David. It's like my oath of dedication to the friendship we have. I'm glad that she still is my friend and that she cherishes this blog. This blog is a friend-blog, and i think people would be able to relate to this one. I initially posted this blog to my Friendster Blog. If you guys want to see the comments to this blog, this is the url to follow.

http://lipbalmuser.blog.friendster.com/2005/06/if-she-leaves-me/

Len also posted this on her Multiply page (http://lentech.multiply.com/journal/item/122/If_She_Leaves_Me..._by_John_Paul_dela_Rosa) as a tribute to our friendship.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 14th, 2005 in Netopia in SM Baguio. I wrote think because i was afraid to lose my friend. She was a reason i stayed in Baguio, and was glad i did for i grew much much more, i think, than i would here in Manila. The blog means a lot to me, as this is my heart and soul i am pouring out here. I hope you guys enjoy reading this one.

if she leaves me…

all of my life, ive never experienced something like this, with someone who knows me more than my family and myself. its a personal connection that is so exclusive na ngayon ko lang naranasan, at sayo pa.

naaalala mo ba nung iniyakan natin si kuya arnel? dahil graduating na siya at soon he will leave us. grabe yun! crayola to the max ang lolo mo, sakit nga ng eyes ko nun eh. pero you know what? 10 times na luha or even more than that ang iiiyak ko, lalo na pag iniwan mo na ako, ang mga bitter, kaming lahat.

i will miss the times na kaya ko pang matulog sa apartment mo, once a week yun, or even two nights a week, only on weekends. pati ung pangungutang ko sayo dahil late nanaman magpadala ng pera ang family ko. and psuedo-actres-scheme natin na naniwala pati mom ko. lahat yan, and many more pa, ang ma-mimiss ko. kasi i dont think i will survive up baguio without someone like you. ill be lost. kung ako lang talaga, ill follow you wherever you will go. you maybe are the most important gift i had for college, meeting a girl someone as unique, loving and understanding like you is such a thing i wont be able to achieve in, maybe, another lifetime. si joshua? second lang un sayo.

ill miss the things you used to impress and irritate me. just wish na sana if you leave me, us, e maging loyal ka parin sa "friendship" natin, i think were more than that, so much more than that, that we developed an imaginary relationship that you and me are involved.

sana after all these years, you will be still my dispepsia kid and cheek tint freak! paano ba yan, ako na lang mag isa ang suki nila sa selecta ice cream, pero as a tribute ill buy rocky road everytime, para pag kumain ako, e in be-half sayo. love you so much len, just love you so much. so so much i don't want to let you go, forever. (tears, tears)

I love you Len, and you know that! Mwah!!!

My Multiply!

Facebook!

Shocking Revelations

I recently caught up with one of my ka-barkada. We talked about normal things people talk about. Suddenly, after talking about people, he mentioned something about a certain former-schoolmate. He pm-ed (personal message-ed) me the link to someone's blog.

The person who owns the blog talked about this certain former schoolmate of ours, in a very shocking way. My blog is not for bashing, so ill just let you guys know the url.

The blog shocked me for the person being talked about here is, not a friend, a person i know, and which i used to like. Anyway, the blog completely turned around the table, and made me think. I bet the blog will also make you reflect, if you happen to know this person.

I honestly dont know what will you guys think of me, but i just want people to be critical and be aware of the dangers of knowing such people. Good luck reading the blog. If you have things to say, please, feel free to comment about the said post. Good day and Happy Christmas and New Year to everyone.

*The url is posted below.
http://joijoi.multiply.com/journal/item/22

This is the part where i say STOP!

I really did not get it…

My dilemma involves me getting involved (at least I know I am) with several guys. It’s just that I think the guy and I are into something, and then suddenly, I’m all alone.

I guess one of them was right – “I think you’re just masking… I think you’re emo when you’re alone…” One thing, the concept of Emo is really vague to me, what is it? Another thing, I don’t think I’m that sad to be classified as such…. Weird, actually.

Since then, when I realized I like guys, I always ASSUMEd. Assumptions are not really bad, I think. The part that really gets me is when I get so caught up within the moment that I forget that I am drowning in my own assumptions. It’s crazy, and stupid, and unhealthy.

This semester, the second for this school year, guys were inevitable and irresistible. I got close with my crush, but I guess things were too slow making me shift to other guys. Honestly, I do not want something skin-deep…carnal. I want something that’s real; I guess I have been playing in the fields far too long.

I am writing this one, not to name the guys I got involved with (or so I think), but to just let myself go with this (emotionally) unhealthy deed.
I would want to think that the things I’m feeling are just driven by the moment…. I don’t want to think of it as the long-term thing. Actually, the thing that I want to change is my easy-attached-self. I super want that out…and I am sooo going to start as soon as I got my bearings on.

How would I do that? I don’t know. I just want things to just fly away.
This is sooo getting boring. I might give this one another try next time. Not in the mood for writing, something that good.

I’ll inform this page when I get to figure myself out. I hate this.

Given Another Chance.

November 3, 2008 22:00. That was the date and the time i left for Baguio.

Usually, sembreaks, the gap between the 1st and the 2nd semester, are the best time to relax and take a breather from the exhausting June to October academic chronology. Also, this is the time to reflect on what has been done during the past semester, thus, it also is a time to prepare yourself to what might be the consequence of your actions during the previous semester.

Uncertainty is always an answer whenever someone, whether it be my parents, friends or colleagues, ask me about school things, and recently, just recently, uncertainty came out of my mouth.

"I don't know" is that inevitable answer, and i think, will be my staple answer my whole life. But i don't want it to be that way.

The past semester was painful for me. I struggled with everything, with money, time and myself. I was completely out of focus, and was thinking of things not related to academic success.
...I stopped attending a class for i was not keeping up with the instructor's requirements
...I was still on my high school academic formula, relying solely on stock knowledge and not reviewing
...I focused more on my non-academic activities, like singing and dancing
...I was always late, if not absent for my 830 class, which i find hard to attend for the class was too early for me
...I stayed up late doing nothing.

Such things could really blow off your chances to stay in a University, the University of the Philippines.

I concluded that i was out of the University because of my "amazing" academic drive and focus. The results were devastating. I received two 5s and 4s and a 3. I thought i blew it. I though i failed myself, my friends and ultimately my family. I found my strength by telling my friends first, for i know they will surely understand my case.

They did, and they supported me all the way.

I went up last monday to finally know the score. I was expecting for a dismissed status, but i found out that i was still on probation. It was definitely a lucky break, for i passed my statistics course and made me live for another semester.

Now, given this chance, what will i do? I dont know yet, but i will try to out-do myself this time. Only two semesters left before i leave UP Baguio. Ill just hang on.

Welcome me with Love!

hey blogger! just arrived, and now im here to stay. a short and sweet post to start things, but hopefully not as short as my stay here. good day.