Raining

"Its raining... Its pouring...

My love life is boring me to tears...

and we won't waste another tear." ("No more tears" by Barbara Streisand and Donna
Summer)


That is just one of the songs i play in my head to keep on going. Its an empowering song telling you to just move on and find a better path.


"Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if they lead nowhere?

Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place, should I leave it there? Should I?" (Adele)


This is my contemplation song. Running after so long and feeling in the long run of not gaining anything - but losing yourself. Its sad but it is what we do when we are in love. We want to take risks, but instead of succeeding, we tend to risk our own self.

What's with these songs? I don't know myself. Maybe I just want acoustic-manifestations of what I feel right now. Maybe I want to feel better with the help of these songs.

The rain can make you stop, think and re-think things done in the past. It made me do that...



Stop. The rain will make you stop moving forward to do the things you want to do. The rain is a force, that holds you, and helps you to stay put. I had to stop for I was getting into it too much. Losing myself. Losing my senses. Irrational. Emotional. I want to stop, and i will start to stop now.

Think. The rain made me think. Think about my life right now, what i am going through and what fucked-up situation I am in. I'm in love with Juan, but i don't know if he likes me back, or if it is possible. It makes me sad to think that that future is imaginary and blurry. I love him, but the rain made me think. I think i need to stop, for myself and for him also.

Re-think. The rain makes you reflect with the things you said and did. I will stop going out with him, why? I don't see anything that will make him love me back. it does not mean that I don't love him anymore. This will show that my love for him is unending, and will not be bound to the fact of us being committed to each other. I love him and I want to be happy.

I think what i need to do is totally different from what i wanted. I want Juan, but I have to set him free. I love him, and I will love him for the rest of my life.